Why I Don’t Write

Personal

I’ve always wanted to keep a steady blog so that I can practice non-business and non-chatroom writing, and share interesting things, but I’ve never been able to actually get going. I brainstormed recently about why that is and came up with a much longer list than I expected.

I don’t have solutions to most of my problems, but I did find the range from frivolous to deep very interesting.

  • nothing to say
  • worry too much what others will think
  • don’t want crappy stuff out there
  • scared it’ll be bad
  • scared it’ll be good
  • too personal to share
  • what I think and feel changes, don’t want old things people find to be seen as representing me in the future
    • I have some of that from the past already and I fret about it frequently
  • lazy
  • afraid
  • want to do it anonymously, but people would only actually like it because there is a real person they know writing it
  • don’t know what kinds of things I want to write: essays, journal entries, career related stuff, personal things, short stories, weird silly things, photos, etc.
  • nobody will care; writing into the void
  • but also, don’t want people to care, that’s too much pressure
  • don’t want praise for crap because people are just being supportive
  • people I write about will know it’s them
  • already neglecting so much, it’d just be yet another thing I’m doing poorly
  • it’ll never be as good as others’ stuff
  • it’ll be misinterpreted
  • if successful it’d paralyze me more because I don’t want to disappoint
  • it’ll be too fake
  • it’ll be too real
  • it won’t be funny
  • it won’t be funny enough
  • it won’t be clever
  • only willing to put out well-defined and well-edited work
  • don’t want sloppy writing or ideas out there
  • too scared to publish my incomplete ideas
    • really those all mean I’m too scared to grow and learn in public, which is fine, but writing causes growth
  • too wide a variety of topics I’d want to write about that no one would want to actually follow me
  • I think I need people to follow me
  • too busy
  • my blog isn’t setup just right so I need to work on that instead
  • meh, I don’t really care
  • what I have to say has already been said by others, and better than I can
  • too afraid to actually say how I feel about topics so it’s just bland instead of actually me
  • too scared to cover social justice topics and those are what really matter
  • don’t believe I have anything valuable to say
  • believe I have to write things that are actually valuable
  • don’t like to show my silliness in public for some reason

I’ll probably add to this as I think of new ones because I think it’ll be funny to add to it each time I want to write but don’t for some reason.

on suicide

Personal

Since this keeps happening again and again and again and again and again and again, and again, and again, and again…

It’s never your fault, but we can still help give people chances they didn’t think they had. We need to keep talking about suicide and educating ourselves and others.

Donate to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Follow them on social media and share liberally. Find local groups you can support too.

If you’ve lost someone, there are resources for you too. Please seek help for yourself: resources for those who have lost someone.

I’ve been hearing about a potential three digit number for the suicide prevention hotline. I hope politics doesn’t get in the way.